Abortion

I am pro-choice.  It is the parents decision (although typically the mother's) to decide if they are ready to support a baby. 

My reasoning?  Did the prohibition make people stop drinking? Nope.  Will a law making abortions illegal make women stop having them? Nope. 

I'm not saying I promote unprotected sex, because that's just dumb (unless you are trying to have a baby).  Use protection, get on birth control (which is now included in health care plans as far as I know), don't be stupid about your decisions.

I can't support the no premarital sex rule because I broke it.  I do, however, support that abstinence is the only for sure way to not have a baby.  That being said, kids are like cats.  They're curious and they're likely to experiment.  We see it every day - even if parents make a conscious effort to hide their kids from it.  Movies, tv shows, magazines, books, billboards, people in the store, internet... it's impossible for people not to know. 

School decisions are forever

I know I just wrote on this a few weeks ago, but it's still on my mind and I can't make a decision. 

I'm graduating in May with my BA in sociology and biological sciences!! I'm super excited and I don't even care that my family may not come up to see me.  They'll be up 6 weeks later for my wedding and that's just fine. 

I have a few more options for my education (all of which mean I should really be studying for the GRE soon). 

1. Apply to OHSU for the Accelerated Master's Nursing Program. It's a 3 year program that would get me a second bachelor degree and a master's degree. 

2.  Apply to UAF for grad school and postpone/forget about nursing school.  I think I would apply for the Northern Studies program.  I would want to do my thesis on a tourism related subject (I think). 

3.  Apply for the BSN program at UAA and then apply for the Master's program at UAA.  The biggest problem is that this is UAA.  The best part is that tuition would be free.  The second biggest problem is that it would take the longest. 

4.  Graduate in May and get a job. This would be nice, because I'm a little burnt out on school. 

Any advice?

Love = Trust + Compromise.

Part of loving anyone - your mother, brother, cousin, best friend, husband or wife is dependent on trust and compromise.  If any part of the equation is missing, the solution often turns to at least one person involved being hurt or hated.  Usually, it is all parties involved. 

It is so difficult to fix a broken equation.  Sometimes, it may be easier to give up and try to find another equation to work on.  It is easier because it is new to us.  Repeating the same mistakes over and over on the old equation leads us further and further into frustration and denial.  We like new equations because we feel they will be different than the old equation and will lead us somewhere new. 

We see these equations all around us being broken and found and solved.    If there is legal involvement, we're talking about marriage and divorce.  If we're looking at middle school or high school again, it's the vicious dating cycle.  It doesn't always have to be a romantic relationship though, we see it happen between friends, coworkers and every day people on the street. 

While perusing facebook this morning, a friend posted the quote:

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. 

But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, 

that's true strength.” 

- Unknown

 

We are not built the same.  I do not expect everyone to hold it together 100% of the time. But sometimes holding it together makes us feel better than losing it, especially in situations that we feel that we have no control.  

 

Trust forms like ice: one tiny layer at a time.  In the beginning of a relationship and during hard times, the ice fragile, like a puddle I used to jump on as a child. 

 

 (http://ian.umces.edu/imagelibrary/displayimage-3166.html)

 As the relationship grows stronger, the ice builds. One might compare this to a lake that isn't quite strong enough to go skating or ice fishing.  Perhaps it still has holes in it.  

(http://jootix.com/view/273/Ice-on-the-lake-ice-lake--1920x1080.html)

 

And then there is when trust is at its strongest point when it is able to hold most of the challenges that come at it. Even strong enough to be run over by a truck. 

 

 (http://www.escaladepictures.com/escalade-truck-on-ice/)

 

 Compromise, whether we like it or not, is often a huge part of relationships as well.  We learned as a child as well as through an episode of Glee from the first season, we can't always get what we want, but if we try sometimes, we'll get what we need.  So often, we head into situations that we high expectations for, but something bad happens.  This negative event marks our day or our week.  A positive attitude and the willingness to compromise with the situation can often make us and those around us feel much, much better.  

 

 

If you haven't guessed it yet, I'm in a rough situation that I can't fix.  It isn't my situation to fix, but it's killing me to watch.  Perhaps if we all send positive ju-ju to those who need it, we can press forward and these people in my life will pick the equation of life that they feel will best benefit them.   

Using more than 4 years

I didn't walk yesterday.  I feel that I have failed.  College degrees are "supposed" to be finished in 4 years.  I know the majority of people at UAF don't finish in four years.  Something almost always happens.  But I know of at least two people who finished in three years!  It is demoralizing to think that I didn't.  Many people that I graduated high school with or lived with in my freshman dorm are posting pictures of graduation on facebook.  And I put on a happy face and reply "one more semester" when they ask how much longer I have.

But will it only be one more semester?  When I switched degrees to sociology from chemistry, I planned on going to nursing school.  I applied that summer to the UAA in Fairbanks program and was 19th on the wait-list, but I hadn't even finished all of the pre-req's and didn't have any other experience to help my application.  I didn't give up then.  I just decided to keep going with my sociology degree with a minor in biology.  Then I would apply again.

Later, I realized I didn't want to get my bachelor of arts in sociology and then have an associate's nursing degree.  So, I decided that I would do a bachelor of science in nursing.  It made more sense than the associate degree.  Then after talking with many, many people, I learned/discovered that there are Master's programs where you don't need to already hold an RN license.  I could finish my sociology degree and apply to these programs!

I have two schools picked out for this plan: Oregon Health and Sciences University and Marquette University.  Both would require a 1-year RN program followed by the 2-year master's program.  OHSU would give me a second bachelor's degree and the master's degree, whereas Marquette would only get me the Master's degree.

But, to throw another wrench into the plan, I just learned that I should have been getting free tuition when Britton and I became financially interdependent.  So, I figured, hey, I might as well use this and get a second degree - why not make my biology minor into a major.

Before Britton proposed to me and I learned about the free tuition, I was going to apply to the Master's programs in the fall and go in the spring.  I was going to walk at graduation in the spring, but I can't ask my parents to come to Alaska twice in one summer (the second time is for my wedding) and have all my family go to New Mexico for Michael's graduation; that's not fair to them.

I also take Britton in consideration.  He's getting into something he really likes - hockey.  He has an amazing job that he enjoys too.  He is nervous about moving away, especially if he doesn't already have a job lined up.  I don't know that I want to live away from him, although I think I could really focus on nursing school if I did live in a different state.  It would only make our relationship stronger.  We have enough trust in each other.

So do I?:

#1: Get the sociology degree in December and apply to Nursing School.

Pros: It's the original plan.  I'd complete my nursing goals. not the shortest plan, but gets me the most for my time.  

Cons: nursing school is expensive. moving is expensive. 

#2: Stick around UAF for another year and double major and then go to nursing school

Pros: double majoring in biology and sociology may make me a stronger candidate.  the next year or two at UAF would be free.  it allows Britton to stay in Fairbanks without worry of moving for another 2 years. 

Cons: it's the longest option. nursing school is expensive. moving is expensive. my current loans will continue to build interest until I'm done

#3: Stick around UAF for another year and double major and get the hell out of school

Pros: I'd be done with school in 6 years with 2 degrees.  

Cons:  nursing school goal is incomplete.  don't know if I could get a job doing something I like.  I'm stuck in Fairbanks for an unknown amount of time.  

#4: Get the sociology degree in December and get the hell out of school

Pros: no more school!  Allows Britton to stay in Fairbanks without worry of moving.  

Cons: have to pay back loans sooner, don't know if I could get a job doing something I like.  I'm stuck in Fairbanks for an unknown amount of time.  

Engagement!

Last night, on my 22nd birthday, Britton asked me to marry him!!

We went to dinner at Boston's because I really wanted the steak skewers they serve as an appetizer.  Since it was my birthday, I had a huge mango margarita!  For dinner I had the twisted mac and cheese with italian sausage and he had the pepperoni supreme pizza.   They brought us brownies and ice cream and sang to me :)  the German guys who were sitting at the table near us clapped really loud and yelled at the end; it was great!  Britton said the guys were eyeing my drink, but I didn't hand it over.

After dinner, it was too late to stop at his favorite car wash, so we just headed home.  I kept saying that I needed to use the bathroom and to go finish my paper, but didn't feel like getting out of the car.  He decided to just do it there.  He pulled the ring out of the center console of his car.  As he was untying the ribbon, he said "wanna spend the rest our lives together?" and I was just grinning ear to ear.  He finished pulling the ring out of the boxes and then asked the big question.  I shook my head yes and and I think I squealed.  :)

Birthdays

Today is my birthday.  I turned 22.  But having a birthday the week before finals week sucks because no one really wants to celebrate with you.  I wanted to plan something big - like going out to dinner with a bunch of friends and having quality time with them.  A birthday card in the mail today would be nice.  When I was little, my great aunt Arlene sent me a card every year and always enclosed a check, which was just for like $5.  But she was amazing, it always arrived on my birthday.

I miss having birthday parties where all of my family would come.  I guess that's one of the greatest joys of having 2/3 sets of grandparents, 2 of my dad's 4 siblings and all of my mom's siblings at one point or another living in the same vicinity.

On my 6th birthday, my mom made pink vests for each of my guests.  We got to decorate them with beads, lace and ribbon.  That was my first slumber-party.  My dad took John camping and Michael stayed with us because he was too little to go camping.  

When I was 16, I planned a Mexican food themed party and the only people that were able to come were the grandparents.  And at the time, I hated listening to them talk about RV-ing and gold mining.  I was so excited to leave and pick up my brothers from their sports practice/working for Mr. Beeson, but today, I'd love to listen to that.

This summer, I have decided that I would like to make homemade birthday cards and envelopes and send them all of my family and friends who would like one.  What is better than receiving (non-bill-related) mail on your birthday?  In my honest opinion, absolutely nothing!  If all 63 people who wrote "happy birthday" on my facebook wall thus far sent me a birthday card, I would be ecstatic.  So, I propose, instead of (or in addition to) use the USPS and send old fashioned birthday cards (homemade are preferable and a little cheaper) to those you love.  Handmade, I estimate you can make and send them for about a $1, especially if you are reusing materials that had another purpose - old calendars, old birthday cards, magazines etc.

So, if you would like a birthday card from me in the next year, send me your address and birth date, and I'll see what I can do.

perfectly content

  Have you ever been perfectly content with your life, even though there are a half dozen things that should be stressing you out?
  That's how I feel right now.  And, I'm pretty sure it has to do with the attitude change I've been working on for the last 3 or so years.  Three and a half years ago, you would find me stressed about every little detail in my life, and likely you'd know every single thing that was stressing me out. College and living on my own has made me realize that life is full of stress, but most likely it's nothing to get worked up about.
A year or so ago, I was stressed about a relationship.  I was talking with someone I consider an extra mom.  She asked me, "Will it matter in 25 years?"  Now, I ask myself that about almost everything.  Will it matter in 25 years??  I doubt it, so why stress over it.  Now, obviously this can't account for every situation, but for the little things, like the guy who called me a bitch, it likely won't matter. 
  For other situations that aren't as applicable to mattering in 25 years, I choose to adapt.  For many situations, exist in an imaginary room.  There is a wall of hell with no doors or windows.  And there is a wall with many doors and windows that you can go through with a change in attitude or adapting to make the best of the situation.  This is often the method I use when doing something I don't really want to do.  Usually it has to be done, like attending class or meetings, and you might at well enjoy it. 
  One other change that I've been working on is my attitude when I'm hungry.  Most people, I treat just fine, but there are a few people that get snapped at when I'm hungry and that just isn't fair to them.  I don't want to be snapped at either.  So, I try to notice when I'm getting hungry and if I can, eat something.  If there are other plans ahead of eating, I remind myself that sudden changes may occur in the plan that will prevent me from eating, but it isn't the end of the world. 
  It really seems to be working.  I'm not sure if people around me notice, but that doesn't matter, because I know that I'm happier.