Sunday, December 11, 2011

Graduation fears.

I've applied for probably a dozen jobs or internships since I've been in college and haven't received so much as an interview for a single one of them.  Okay - that's not quite true.  The interviews I have done though have been for entry level jobs - customer service, housekeeping, food service.  Not the atmosphere I plan to work in after I graduate.
As the end of my penultimate (thanks Mrs. Sounart for teaching me that word, by the way) semester approaches, I'm starting to realize that I have approximately 6 months to find "a real job."  This job hunt is in addition to a full course load of intense classes and wedding planning.  What exactly do I do after graduation if I can't find a "real job"? What am I looking for in this "real job?"
Ultimately, I know I would like to use both degrees.  Britton's coworker's wife works with Fish and Game traveling to rural parts of Alaska and checking gaming permits and such.  This type of profession would mean that I get to use my biology degree as well as using my sociology degree.  There really aren't that many jobs that utilize both sociology and biology.
Seriously. What the eff was I thinking?  I know, I know, I said my goal is to take it into nursing.  And I still plan to.  But I don't really want to do the associates program here in Fairbanks right now.  It just doesn't feel up my ally.  And Britton isn't comfortable moving somewhere if I managed to get accepted into a non RN-Master's program, because of the whole economy situation everywhere else.  And most of the programs say you should expect not to work.  How am I supposed to NOT work?! That's just not feasible.  I need food too, ya know.  So if Britton were to stay here, and I were to go elsewhere, it'd be doable (with another bajillion dollars in student loans), but that just doesn't seem like it's going to work.
I would really like to apply for the Disney program again, but chances are, I'd be rejected there too. Again.  And this would also mean that I would move across the country from my then husband.  I would have to decide to apply soon if I really wanted to do that.  I have to apply while I'm still in college.  ugh. Plus the cost of moving to Florida or California would probably not be doable.  And Britton would have a hard time paying all of his utilities/rent without me.
I really wish I had been interviewed for the admissions position.  I really love my school and I think I would have enjoyed recruiting and helping people through the application process.  Perhaps it will open again at the end of the spring semester.
I will keep my eyes glued to, you can bet your bottom dollar I will be applying for every position I might barely be qualified for.  I'll also be staring down craigslist and Alexsys for opportunities too.  I get emails from the State of Alaska notifying me for positions that are open throughout the state.
Is it wrong that I would love to go into education, but choose not to because of all of the governmental crap? Could I survive a master's program in education?  Would being a teacher make me not want children?
I fear being unemployed.  I fear paying back the 60,000+ I have in student loans because I chose to live somewhat comfortably instead of working my ass off to avoid them.  I fear failing.  I fear being a crappy communicator and interviewer.  I fear not knowing.

No comments: